Is The Drive For Success Stealing Your Joy? Part Three by Rita A. Schulte

Rita A. Schulte

Last week Rita shared with us how our beliefs can ruin our joy. Today she helps us change our perspective so we can reclaim our joy again. I hope you've enjoyed this series. ~ Angie

Looking through a different lens 

Solomon was a wise man. In the book of Ecclesiastes he poses a powerful question, “What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?” Some people read this book and think it’s depressing and filled with ancient philosophies. I would argue that it’s extremely relevant for today because it examines what people believed, and how those beliefs impacted how they viewed life.

Solomon was a searcher. His searching mind examined life to see what was behind people’s motives. He received fame and became greater than all who went before him. He obsessed about success and every worldly pursuit. His conclusion: “Vanity of vanities.” This word means “emptiness, futility, or meaninglessness.” Solomon decided there was only momentary pleasure for all his toil, and each time he repeated it, he got less enjoyment from it.

Solomon counted the cost for success and concluded that nothing would satisfy. No amount of fame, fortune or pleasure. We too must ask ourselves if all the “chasing after the wind” will ultimately satisfy our souls. The point of Ecclesiastes is that God intends for us to have joy, but real joy comes from the hand of God and begins with accepting that He is in charge no matter what circumstances or disappointments we face. When we understand that, we can view rejection through a different lens, one that assures us that God is still up to something even though we’ve been let down.

When we look through the lens of possibilities we can change or modify our beliefs about success and failure. Here are a few discouragement busters to consider:

• Focus on the bigger picture 
• Watch for negative self talk 
• Place your faith in God not in your circumstances 
• Cultivate gratefulness 

What disappointments are you facing today? What beliefs are robbing you of the joy that is already yours in Christ? Begin today to cultivate an attitude of gratefulness by refusing to let the drive for success steal your joy. Thank God that he has gifted you as a storyteller---then sit back and enjoy the journey!

About the Author

Rita A. Schulte is a licensed professional counselor in the Northern Virginia/DC area. She is the host of Heartline Podcast and Consider This. Her shows can be heard on 90.9FM in Lynchburg, Va. and 90.5 FM in NC, and on BlogTalk Radio, and the Womens Radio Network.

Rita writes for numerous publications and blogs. Her articles have appeared in Counseling Today Magazine, Thriving Family Magazine, Kyria and Living Better at 50. Her book on moving through the losses of life will be released in 2013. Follow her atwww.ritaschulte.com, on FB at http://www.facebook.com/RitaASchulte and twitter @heartlinepod. Her blog, Life Talk Today is www.ritaschulte.com/blog.

Is The Drive For Success Stealing Your Joy? Part Two by Rita A. Schulte

Rita A. Schulte

 Last week, Rita helped us discover what we really mean when we think of success. Today, she teaches us how to deal with the aftermath if don't meet our goals. ~ Angie 

How what we believe steals our joy

The drive to meet our needs is fueled by our beliefs. Our beliefs about success and rejection create that state of tension for us. We are motivated to be successful because there is a payoff for us. We may believe if we’re a success, we’ll have value/ worth, be accepted, have financial security, and feel adequate. The tension, or drive state that’s fueled by our beliefs, propels us to act in ways that will get our needs met. We may become workaholics, be obsessive, try harder, worry and fret. If we don’t succeed, it’s easy to see how we can become discouraged, lose our joy, or drive ourselves to despair if our goal is blocked.

If I believe I’ll be a failure if I don’t get something published, the loss of my needs becomes secondary to what I’m believing about myself, others and the world around me. Believing I am a failure takes my feelings (disappointment) and makes them into facts (beliefs). The problem is the belief (I’m a failure) makes my significance dependent on my performance, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. Patterns of negative self-defeating thinking open the doorway to feelings of disappointment and discouragement, which ultimately steal my joy. What’s the solution? Glad you asked.

Disappointment or discouragement?

Disappointment is an emotional response to a blocked goal, a hurt; or perceived loss of some kind. It’s normal to be disappointed when we wanted something to happen and it didn’t--- or, if we didn’t want something to happen and it did. But what about discouragement, how does that impact us at the heart level? If left unchecked, discouragement can lead us to despair. It:

• Creates feelings of anger or depression 
• Makes us feel a loss of confidence 
• Gives us a sense of inadequacy 
• Causes us to focus on the obstacles 
• Tempts us to believes lies about ourselves, God and others 

Our beliefs provide clues as to why we struggle with discouragement. So we need to notice what we’re telling ourselves that’s causing our joy to be stolen. Here are some examples-- see if any fit for you:

• I’m a failure if I don’t get something published 
• I’m not good enough 
• I’m inadequate I have to sell more books to be a success 
• If I don’t make a best seller list I’m not a good writer 
• I won’t be happy unless I’m a success 

If you said yes to any of the above, you’re forgetting an important truth--- all your needs are already met in Christ (2 Peter 1:3, Philippians 4:19). What you need is to change your perspective.

Be sure to come back next week when Rita will be sharing how we can change our perspective and recapture our joy.   ~ Angie

About the Author

Rita A. Schulte is a licensed professional counselor in the Northern Virginia/DC area. She is the host of Heartline Podcast and Consider This. Her shows can be heard on 90.9FM in Lynchburg, Va. and 90.5 FM in NC, and on BlogTalk Radio, and the Womens Radio Network.

Rita writes for numerous publications and blogs. Her articles have appeared in Counseling Today Magazine, Thriving Family Magazine, Kyria and Living Better at 50. Her book on moving through the losses of life will be released in 2013. Follow her atwww.ritaschulte.com, on FB at http://www.facebook.com/RitaASchulte and twitter @heartlinepod. Her blog, Life Talk Today is www.ritaschulte.com/blog.

Is The Drive For Success Stealing Your Joy? by Rita A. Schulte

Rita A. Schulte

It's the end of February. How are those resolutions going? Are you meeting your goals? What drives you?

Rita A. Schulte will be sharing with us for the next three Tuesdays to help us determine if our goals are what we really need. ~ Angie

As writers we all want to be a success. We want to have our words touch people’s hearts; we want to somehow be immortalized through our work, and at the end of the day we want to sell books. That seems pretty normal---but percolating under the unconscious surface, could there be deeper reasons that being a success is so important to us? And, is the drive to “make it” stealing our joy?

Each one of us has attached meaning to what being a “success” is. To some, it may mean becoming well-known; to others it may mean finding value and worth through the praise and admiration of others, and maybe to some it’s about making money. Is that so terrible? It is if you’re placing your significance on it.

Drive States

How can we tell if our search for significance is riding on our achievements? Can we really discover what drives our need to be a success? Yes, by understanding what success means to us and discovering how it fulfills our needs.

Needs are essential to life. Without them, we won’t function in the way God has designed us to function. In 1943, psychologist Abraham Maslow developed a hierarchy of needs that included physiological needs for food, air and water, as well as psychological needs like love, belonging, and self-actualization. Feeling a loss of any need creates tension. This tension creates a drive state to motivate us to meet the need.

Once our basic physiological needs are met, we are driven to meet higher level needs of love and belonging. Self-actualization is obtained when our full potential is realized. Higher level needs create the music of the heart. I call them “soulical” needs. Listed below are the five that I teach my clients along with their definitions.

• Love---unconditional caring from another 
• Acceptance---feeling full and complete as I am 
• Value/worth---what gives me meaning and purpose in life 
• Security---freedom from harm; safety 
• Adequacy---the need to know I’m competent 

Our needs drive us to action, and the objects of their fulfillment (a book contract, notoriety, money) act as incentives to make us feel good about ourselves. If we value success it’s because success meets some, or all of the above mentioned needs. That’s why rejection is such a bitter pill to swallow. It causes us a loss of one, or all of our needs. We become discouraged because the message rejection gives us is that we aren’t cutting it, we’re failures, or we’re not good enough.

About the Author

Rita A. Schulte is a licensed professional counselor in the Northern Virginia/DC area. She is the host of Heartline Podcast and Consider This. Her shows can be heard on 90.9FM in Lynchburg, Va. and 90.5 FM in NC, and on BlogTalk Radio, and the Womens Radio Network.

Rita writes for numerous publications and blogs. Her articles have appeared in Counseling Today Magazine, Thriving Family Magazine, Kyria and Living Better at 50. Her book on moving through the losses of life will be released in 2013. Follow her atwww.ritaschulte.com, on FB at http://www.facebook.com/RitaASchulte and twitter @heartlinepod. Her blog, Life Talk Today is www.ritaschulte.com/blog.

Five Reasons Why Losing Heart is Not An Option by Rita Schulte

Romancing the Stone”, “Mission Impossible”, and “James Bond” are among my favorite action movies. The most noticeable thing in all of these films is that the hero is facing insurmountable odds while searching and fighting for a priceless treasure.

Our movie characters aren’t so different from us. We may not be fighting for billions in gold or priceless buried treasure, but our treasure is just as important. It may be a prayer for an unsaved spouse, freedom from a health issue, or a wayward child. Whatever it might be, it can certainly feel insurmountable and cause us to lose heart in the battle.

In 2 Corinthians 4:7 Paul talks about treasure—a different kind of treasure. He goes on to explain why losing heart is not an option. And instead of our having to search for it, Paul tells us where it’s hidden: in jars of clay (us).

What is the treasure? It’s Christ in us, the hope of glory, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (Colossians 2:3).

What does that have to do with the problem of losing heart? Plenty, and if we look at verses 8-9 we’ll see it. In these verses Paul tells us what we can expect as we face the trials of life: he says we’ll be hard-pressed, crushed, and struck down. He really gets it.

But then in verse 16, he seemingly kills the moment by saying that we shouldn’t lose heart! He says our trials are only light and momentary afflictions. Really? This from the guy who was beaten, shipwrecked, and flogged? How could he say this? Because he knew a few secrets about “the treasure” that are key to not losing heart. Consider this:

• The treasure is worth the fight

Paul knew an abiding relationship with Christ would bear the fruit of wisdom and knowledge, equipping us for the battle. No treasure is more valuable or more worth fighting for.

• Grace is only for today

Believers will always face hardships. We are under a death system (law). But no life can spring forth without death (trials) and will always reveal resurrection power.

• We must change our perspective

Don’t deny your circumstances, but look for ways to speak life into them.

• Renew the mind daily

Our outer man is decaying, but our inner man is to be experiencing daily renewal through the washing of the Word in our hearts. Be intentional about setting your mind on the truth and seeking God with all your heart.

• Focus on eternal glory

If we focus on what is seen, it will be easy to lose heart. Set your mind instead on what is unseen and imperishable.

Digging for treasure isn’t something we should leave to action heroes. It’s something we can practice daily by following the steps outlined here. They will help us to dive deep, making losing heart seem like a mission impossible.

What keeps you from losing heart in your writing journey? How do you keep your focus?

Rita A. Schulte is a licensed professional counselor in the Northern Virginia/DC area. She is the host of Heartline Podcast and Consider This. Her shows can be heard on 90.9FM in Lynchburg, Va. and 90.5 FM in NC, and on BlogTalk Radio, and soon to launch Women’s Radio Network.

Rita writes for numerous publications and blogs. Her articles have appeared in Counseling Today Magazine, Thriving Family Magazine, Kyria and Living Better at 50. Her book on moving through the losses of life will be released in 2013. Follow her at www.ritaschulte.com, on FB at http://www.facebook.com/RitaASchulte and twitter @heartlinepod. Her blog, Life Talk Today is www.ritaschulte.com/blog.

Love Of Books by Jiri Hodan