Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Is The Drive For Success Stealing Your Joy? Part Two by Rita A. Schulte

Rita A. Schulte
 Last week, Rita helped us discover what we really mean when we think of success. Today, she teaches us how to deal with the aftermath if don't meet our goals. ~ Angie 

How what we believe steals our joy

The drive to meet our needs is fueled by our beliefs. Our beliefs about success and rejection create that state of tension for us. We are motivated to be successful because there is a payoff for us. We may believe if we’re a success, we’ll have value/ worth, be accepted, have financial security, and feel adequate. The tension, or drive state that’s fueled by our beliefs, propels us to act in ways that will get our needs met. We may become workaholics, be obsessive, try harder, worry and fret. If we don’t succeed, it’s easy to see how we can become discouraged, lose our joy, or drive ourselves to despair if our goal is blocked.

If I believe I’ll be a failure if I don’t get something published, the loss of my needs becomes secondary to what I’m believing about myself, others and the world around me. Believing I am a failure takes my feelings (disappointment) and makes them into facts (beliefs). The problem is the belief (I’m a failure) makes my significance dependent on my performance, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. Patterns of negative self-defeating thinking open the doorway to feelings of disappointment and discouragement, which ultimately steal my joy. What’s the solution? Glad you asked.

Disappointment or discouragement?

Disappointment is an emotional response to a blocked goal, a hurt; or perceived loss of some kind. It’s normal to be disappointed when we wanted something to happen and it didn’t--- or, if we didn’t want something to happen and it did. But what about discouragement, how does that impact us at the heart level? If left unchecked, discouragement can lead us to despair. It:
  • Creates feelings of anger or depression 
  • Makes us feel a loss of confidence 
  • Gives us a sense of inadequacy 
  • Causes us to focus on the obstacles 
  • Tempts us to believes lies about ourselves, God and others 
Our beliefs provide clues as to why we struggle with discouragement. So we need to notice what we’re telling ourselves that’s causing our joy to be stolen. Here are some examples-- see if any fit for you:
  • I’m a failure if I don’t get something published 
  • I’m not good enough 
  • I’m inadequate I have to sell more books to be a success 
  • If I don’t make a best seller list I’m not a good writer 
  • I won’t be happy unless I’m a success 
If you said yes to any of the above, you’re forgetting an important truth--- all your needs are already met in Christ (2 Peter 1:3, Philippians 4:19). What you need is to change your perspective.

Be sure to come back next week when Rita will be sharing how we can change our perspective and recapture our joy.   ~ Angie
About the Author
Rita A. Schulte is a licensed professional counselor in the Northern Virginia/DC area. She is the host of Heartline Podcast and Consider This. Her shows can be heard on 90.9FM in Lynchburg, Va. and 90.5 FM in NC, and on BlogTalk Radio, and the Womens Radio Network.

Rita writes for numerous publications and blogs. Her articles have appeared in Counseling Today Magazine, Thriving Family Magazine, Kyria and Living Better at 50. Her book on moving through the losses of life will be released in 2013. Follow her atwww.ritaschulte.com, on FB at http://www.facebook.com/RitaASchulte and twitter @heartlinepod. Her blog, Life Talk Today is www.ritaschulte.com/blog.