Double Duty by Sharon Hinck

I'm a frugal person, so I appreciate things that serve more than one purpose. I find I’m that way with my writing as well. When we write a scene with dialogue, we need to give cues to our reader about which character is speaking. But there are ways to make those cues serve more than one purpose.

Why just say, “he said” when you can use the moment to REVEAL something about the character’s appearance, tone, emotion, inner life, motivations?

I’m sure you know how to write dialogue identifiers.

“Hello,” she said.

These days, “fancy” identifiers like,
"'Hello,' he retorted" are out of fashion. Even worse: “Hello,” he retorted angrily.

Side note: while this is a general preference for editors these days, that doesn’t mean you can’t occasionally apply a judicious use of a descriptive manner of speech or even a rare adverb. Just know to save that for special occasions. There are craft conventions (I don’t like to think of them as “rules”) – and there are good reasons for most of them – but when it serves the art, there is room to color outside those lines.

While simple dialogue identifiers are best (“said” is virtually invisible to the reader and they slide smoothly past it – which is a good thing for their reading experience), there is an even more powerful way to identify your speaker:

ACTION TAGS

They’re great because they do double duty. They give the cue to the reader about which character is speaking AND they can build characterization or paint the picture of the moment:

“Hello.” She scuffed her toes in the sand, shoulders curved inward like a protective cape.

In the context of the story, this can show you more than, “Hello,” she said.

It’s also valuable to mix it up. Start some dialogue WITH the action tag:

He leaned in, his forehead almost touching hers. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time.”

Not every dialogue paragraph needs to start with the quotation. Play with the rhythm. Scan your page and see if the PATTERN of dialogue and action has become too consistent and rearrange a few. And of course, there will be dialogue exchanges without any dialogue indentifiers needed because you’ve established the two characters responding back and forth and/or they have such unique voices, the reader immediately knows who is speaking.

You can also insert action between longer stretches of dialogue:

“I never knew.” She stepped back, zipped up her jacket, and thrust her hands in her pockets. “I wish you had told me this months ago.”

However, if you string together too many action and dialogue segments, it can become choppy:

George pounded the desk. “I told you to get those figures to me today.” He pushed back his chair and stormed across the office. “I’ll just have to do it myself.” He glared at Frank and thrust a folder at him. “At least take care of this.”

Too many interruptions to dialogue can feel like driving with someone who keeps hitting the brakes.

Of course, interruptions in dialogue are great when it’s another character cutting in.

George pounded the desk. “I told you to get—”

“I did.” Frank held up a folder.

Notice I didn’t say “Frank cut in. Frank interrupted.” Etc. There’s no need to tell the reader that a character interrupted when the m-dash and new dialogue SHOWS that already.

One more note: when you use an action tag that is a complete sentence, it gets a period:

“I told you.” George pounded the desk.

But if you combine an action tag with a dialogue identifier (which you might occasionally do for the rhythm you want) you use a comma:

“I told you,” George said, pounding the desk.

Take time to examine your dialogue segments. See if a thoughtful use of action tags can both identify the speaker AND convey emotion, characterization, or setting.

Write on!

Take time to examine your dialogue segments. via @sharonhinck #SeriouslyWrite

~~~~~~

Award-winning author Sharon Hinck writes “stories for the hero in all of us,” about ordinary women on extraordinary faith journeys. Known for their authenticity, emotional range, and spiritual depth, her novels include the ground-breaking Sword of Lyric fantasy series and her imaginative new Dancing Realms series, that begins with Hidden Current and continues with Forsaken Island. She has been honored with a Christy finalist medal, and three Carol awards for her novels.

Website: http://sharonhinck.com/

Blog: http://sharonhinck.com/blog/ 

https://www.facebook.com/sharon.hinck/

https://twitter.com/sharonhinck

https://www.instagram.com/sharonhinck/

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6779.Sharon_Hinck

https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001IQXR28

https://www.bookbub.com/profile/sharon-hinck

https://sharonhinck.us10.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=3503cb8b1d78c74ed12baab96&id=29b785602e

(newsletter)

Write Dialogue That Delights, Not Distracts by Jennifer Lamont Leo

Before I wrote novels, I was a playwright. I cut my storytelling teeth on skits, sketches, and plays. Maybe that’s why dialogue is my favorite part of writing fiction. Faced with a blank screen, I’ll often kick off a scene by writing out the dialogue first, then building the rest of the story around it.

Theatrical scripts are all about the dialogue. There’s no place for lengthy narratives about what’s going on, or detailed descriptions of setting and time period. Dialogue, brought to life by actors and amplified by scenery, lighting, and costuming, has to carry the story.

In historical novels, of course, dialogue needs to be true to the time period, without making today’s reader struggle too hard to make sense of it. It’s a delicate balance We all cringe when an eighteenth-century character blurts out modernisms like “Okay” or “I’ve got your back.” At the other end of the spectrum, dialogue that labors too hard to communicate an accent or style of speech can be troublesome, too. Consider this tidbit from Margaret Mitchell’s classic, Gone With the Wind.

“’Is de gempmum gone? Huccome you din’ ast dem ter stay fer supper, Miss Scarlett? Ah done tole Poke ter lay two extry plates fer dem. What’s yo’ manners?”

This passage is meant to convey the speech of Mammy, an African American slave, and it does a pretty good job--if you read it out loud. If you’re like me, you had to go over it two or three times before making sense of it. That sort of effort kicks the reader out of the story, and may even frustrate her to the point where she stops reading and tosses the book in the “donate” box. How tragic if she missed out on Gone With the Wind’s epic story—or yours—because of hard-to-read dialogue.

Instead, sift in a few word choices to suggest an accent or distinctive speech pattern without trying to mimic it. With apologies to Margaret Mitchell, here’s one suggested rewriting of the above passage to make it a little more intelligible to modern readers:

“Is de gentlemen gone? How come you didn’t ask dem to stay for supper, Miss Scarlett? I done told Poke to lay two extra plates for dem. What’s yo’ manners?”

With a lighter touch, the reader “hears” Mammy’s vocabulary and cadence without being completely thrown off course.

Here’s a recipe for good historical dialogue: Gather authentic words and speech patterns of the era by combing through books, speeches, letters, and diaries. (If, like me, you’re writing about the twentieth century, you also have a rich lode of movies, TV, and radio recordings.) Sprinkle them lightly through your text to season without overpowering. Then sift out any twenty-first-century expressions that may have crept in. You’ll delight your readers with dialogue that enhances, and doesn’t distract from, your story.

Is there something in particular that you struggle with regarding dialog?

~~~~~~

Jennifer Lamont Leo loves all things vintage, especially stories set in the early twentieth century. Her debut novel, You’re the Cream in My Coffee, won an ACFW Carol Award. Her new book, Ain’t Misbehavin’, is also set in 1920s Chicago. An Illinois native, she now lives in rural northern Idaho with her husband, two cats, and abundant wildlife.

Links:
Ain’t Misbehavin’
You’re the Cream in My Coffee
Amazon author page
Author website
Facebook page
Goodreads author page
Pinterest page

An Alternative to Speech Tags by Adam Blumer

Have you ever read a novel that drove you crazy with the "he said/she said" dialog tags? There's another option, and author Adam Blumer talks about it in today's post. -- Sandy 

Adam: Strong dialogue is so important for good fiction; it can reveal information, show a character’s personality, and push the plot along. The primary purpose of speech tags, of course, is to ID speakers, but are they even necessary? I believe the answer is no. In fact, I believe speech tags should be eliminated as often as possible. Let me explain why. But first, consider this sample:

Jack looked, and the shadow was there again, capering and undulating at the bottom of the rickety stairs like some sort of otherworldly wraith. Goose bumps peppered his arms. He willed his legs forward, but they wouldn’t budge. 

When Nancy grabbed his arm from behind, he nearly squealed like a scared little girl.

“Scared you, huh?” Nancy asked with a chuckle.

“Uh, yeah,” Jack said, trying to breathe. “You could say that.”

“Is somebody down there?” Nancy asked, peering over his shoulder down the beckoning stairs.

“That’s what I was trying to figure out,” Jack said.

OK, let’s break it down. 

Only two people populate this suspenseful scene: Jack and Nancy. That fact makes dialogue easier to write. The reader is smart enough to determine who is speaking without speech tags. But if the speaker’s ID is unclear, what’s a better way than speech tags? Some authors insert action beats, slices of action that reveal character, give the scene action, and heighten suspense.

Here’s how the scene could be written. I’ve also inserted some words in bold to explain my choices. Be sure to look for the action beats.

Jack looked, and the shadow was there again, capering and undulating at the bottom of the rickety stairs like some sort of otherworldly wraith. Goose bumps peppered his arms. He willed his legs forward, but they wouldn’t budge.

When Nancy grabbed his arm from behind, he nearly squealed like a scared little girl.

“Scared you, huh?” She chuckled. [There’s no need to tell the reader this is Nancy. Since there are only two characters, “she” tells the reader this is Nancy. The word “asked” is also redundant because the dialogue itself shows she is asking something.]

“Uh, yeah.” He tried to breathe. [There’s no reason to insert “said” here. By placing an action beat with “he,” the text achieves the same purpose as a speech tag, yet it’s more active.] “You could say that.”

“Is somebody down there?” She peered over his shoulder down the beckoning stairs. [No speech tag is needed. We know this is Nancy, and the action beat gives her something to do.]

“That’s what I was trying to figure out.” [No speech tag is needed.]

Do you see what I did? There’s simply no reason to tell the reader so-and-so said something when you can show this instead. Remember, in good fiction it’s always better to show than to tell. Action beats are super in fiction, and if you attach a character’s name to them (only when necessary), there’s no reason to use speech tags.

~~~~~~

Adam Blumer edits other people’s books to pay the bills. He writes his own to explore creepy lighthouses and crime scenes. He is the author of two suspense novels, Fatal Illusions (Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas) and its sequel, The Tenth Plague (Kirkdale Press). A print journalism major in college, he works full-time from home as book editor after serving in editorial roles for more than twenty years. He lives in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula with his wife, Kim, and his daughters, Laura and Julia. You can learn more about Adam by visiting his website: http://www.adamblumerbook.com. Here are other ways to reach him:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamBlumerNovelist

Twitter: https://twitter.com/adamblumer

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2315682.Adam_Blumer

About The Tenth Plague 

After adopting their son, Marc and Gillian Thayer intend on enjoying a relaxing weekend away at a picturesque resort in northern Michigan. That is, until their friend turns up dead and the resort becomes a grisly murder scene.

A killer, seeking revenge, begins reenacting the ten plagues of Egypt on the resort and everyone in it, including a Bible translation team already drawing angry protests for proposing to merge the Bible with corresponding passages from the Qur'an. Water turns to blood. Gnats attack the innocent. As plague after plague appears, the Thayers must make sense of how their story intersects with those of the others at the resort—and of their own dark pasts.

In this "chilling tale that keeps readers turning pages and pondering its truths" (C. J. Darlington), the Thayers must unravel the truth. But will they uncover the killer's bitter agenda before the tenth plague—the death of the firstborn son?

Those Good Old Classics by Heidi Chiavaroli

Heidi Chiavaroli

Confession time.

Up until recently I wasn’t much of a fan of classic literature. I read the Spark Notes for A Tale of Two Cities in high school, have forced my way through one Jane Austen novel (please forgive me Austen fans—if it’s any consolation I loved Katherine Reay’s Dear Mr. Knightley), and have been known to steer my kids away from Robinson Crusoe in lieu of Harry Potter. I feared the longer descriptions and smaller amount of dialogue in a classic read might ruin my children’s enthusiasm for books.

I recently picked up a copy of Johnny Tremain in order to immerse myself in the setting of my latest novel (Revolutionary Boston). I decided to give it a shot with the kids as a read-aloud. I ignored the temptation to skim over some of the longer descriptions and plunged in, even throwing in a few voices here and there to keep their attention.

It wasn’t long before I realized I didn’t need the voices. My boys loved the story—more so than other, recently published books, I’ve read to them. I found myself enraptured with the story also. Yes, there are some words I wasn’t certain how to pronounce, there were longer descriptions and the dialogue is not as plentiful as Harry Potter, but something about it drew them—and me—into the characters, the time, and the story.

It’s a beautiful thing when that happens, and I pondered why that was so. I have to admit, I think one of the reasons the story captured their attention was because of the longer narrative and vivid descriptions. We were invested in Johnny, liked him despite his flaws, and cheered for him as he found purpose with a crippled hand.

I wondered if some of these characteristics of classic literature that I often avoid can actually make a story stronger. I wouldn’t have felt such a part of Revolutionary Boston without the detail to setting. I wouldn’t have been invested in the character’s relationships if it wasn’t for the time the author took to draw them out, sometimes in longer narrative.

And so I battled with myself. As a writer in the modern world I’d learned not to get too wordy with description and setting, to have plenty of quick dialogue. And as we all know, show don’t tell.

I’m not arguing with these teachings. They are true and relevant to the modern reader. But reading Johnny Tremain made me think I could also learn something (many things!) from the author. Maybe sometimes I shouldn’t be in such a rush to gloss over setting description. Maybe I don’t have to feel pressured to have so much dialogue on each page. I don’t think it’s a formula, but I am convinced that reading some of the classics will make me a better writer. Because at the end of the day, beautiful writing unfolding an enthralling plot is a pleasure to read.

What are your thoughts? Do you read the classics? What is your favorite? Do you believe you are a better writer by spending time in them?

****

Heidi Chiavaroli writes History Woven in Grace. She is a wife, mother, disciple, and grace-clinger. She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers and has finaled in the Genesis contest and My Book Therapy’s Frasier contest.

Writing Dialogue that Breathes by Debby Mayne

Debby Mayne

Dora here. Do you struggle with writing dialogue? I confess... some days are easier than others, so I appreciate these tips by Debby Mayne. Next week she will be back with three more tips to write compelling dialogue, so be sure to pop back by. Enjoy! ~Dora

One of the key components to a successful story is dialogue, so spend some time working on improving the skill of writing it. Most newbie fiction authors struggle with dialogue at first, but after you find the groove, you'll look forward to the next conversation between your characters. I've judged quite a few writing competitions, and one of the things that I look for is compelling dialogue.

In my opinion, strong dialogue is the foundation of a compelling, character-driven story. I use it to drive my plot, and the scenes typically flow much more smoothly when my characters take over. I've been amazed and entertained by what comes out of my story people's mouths.

Listen
Next time you're out among people, zip your lips and just listen. I'm the biggest eavesdropper out there, but I think it's one of the reasons my dialogue has improved over the years. Pay attention to various scenarios. A conversation between a mother and her daughter in the fitting room is quite different from a discussion between a husband and wife about where to go for their next vacation.

Use what you learn sparingly. 
Accents are wonderful to add to a story as long as you sprinkle them in. Don't overdo it, though, or you may lose your reader who gets bogged down trying to figure out what the character is saying. Most people have back-and-forth interaction with occasional interruptions. When writing dialogue, it's fine to add some of this, but remember that the written word needs to make more sense than a live conversation.

Small Talk
Some small talk is fine, but omit all but the most essential conversation that drives the story forward. When people greet each other, they often spend several minutes saying insignificant things that you should condense in order to hold your readers' interest. After a brief greeting among your characters, get to the interesting part.

Backstory
Avoid using dialogue to do a backstory dump. Having your characters rehash something that happened in 1985, simply to provide information for the reader, is a sign of someone who doesn't want to go to the trouble of working it into the story in a more natural way. Don't provide too much information all at once in dialogue. Leave your readers wanting more.

Purchase Link

Dixie Belle and Uptown Belles series Blurb 

In Dixie Belle, book one of the Uptown Belles series, sparks fly when Cissy Hillwood arrives in New York City from her Alabama hometown and meets her uncle’s fiercest competitor.

SERIES DESCRIPTION: In this fish-out-of-water contemporary romance series, three Southern belles living and working in New York City develop a friendship based on their fondness and homesickness for the South. Although they’re different from each other in many ways, they share a love for the South and faith in Christ. And they each fall victim to Cupid, one at a time and when they least expect it. At least they have each other for venting, laughing with, and…shopping.

Debby Mayne has published more than 30 books and novellas, 400 print short stories and articles, more than 1,000 web articles, and a slew of devotions for women. She has also worked as managing editor of a national health magazine, product information writer for HSN, a creative writing instructor for Long Ridge Writers Group, and a copy editor and proofreader for several book publishers. For the past eight years, she has judged the Writers Digest Annual Competition, Short-Short Contest, and Self-Published Book Competition. Three of Debby’s books have been top ten favorites by the Heartsong Presents book club. Love Finds You in Treasure Island, Florida received 4-1/2 stars and was named a "Top Pick" by Romantic Times Magazine. Her latest book, Dixie Belle, is the first in the Uptown Belles series published by Charisma House.