Double Duty by Sharon Hinck

I'm a frugal person, so I appreciate things that serve more than one purpose. I find I’m that way with my writing as well. When we write a scene with dialogue, we need to give cues to our reader about which character is speaking. But there are ways to make those cues serve more than one purpose.

Why just say, “he said” when you can use the moment to REVEAL something about the character’s appearance, tone, emotion, inner life, motivations?

I’m sure you know how to write dialogue identifiers.

“Hello,” she said.

These days, “fancy” identifiers like,
"'Hello,' he retorted" are out of fashion. Even worse: “Hello,” he retorted angrily.

Side note: while this is a general preference for editors these days, that doesn’t mean you can’t occasionally apply a judicious use of a descriptive manner of speech or even a rare adverb. Just know to save that for special occasions. There are craft conventions (I don’t like to think of them as “rules”) – and there are good reasons for most of them – but when it serves the art, there is room to color outside those lines.

While simple dialogue identifiers are best (“said” is virtually invisible to the reader and they slide smoothly past it – which is a good thing for their reading experience), there is an even more powerful way to identify your speaker:

ACTION TAGS

They’re great because they do double duty. They give the cue to the reader about which character is speaking AND they can build characterization or paint the picture of the moment:

“Hello.” She scuffed her toes in the sand, shoulders curved inward like a protective cape.

In the context of the story, this can show you more than, “Hello,” she said.

It’s also valuable to mix it up. Start some dialogue WITH the action tag:

He leaned in, his forehead almost touching hers. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time.”

Not every dialogue paragraph needs to start with the quotation. Play with the rhythm. Scan your page and see if the PATTERN of dialogue and action has become too consistent and rearrange a few. And of course, there will be dialogue exchanges without any dialogue indentifiers needed because you’ve established the two characters responding back and forth and/or they have such unique voices, the reader immediately knows who is speaking.

You can also insert action between longer stretches of dialogue:

“I never knew.” She stepped back, zipped up her jacket, and thrust her hands in her pockets. “I wish you had told me this months ago.”

However, if you string together too many action and dialogue segments, it can become choppy:

George pounded the desk. “I told you to get those figures to me today.” He pushed back his chair and stormed across the office. “I’ll just have to do it myself.” He glared at Frank and thrust a folder at him. “At least take care of this.”

Too many interruptions to dialogue can feel like driving with someone who keeps hitting the brakes.

Of course, interruptions in dialogue are great when it’s another character cutting in.

George pounded the desk. “I told you to get—”

“I did.” Frank held up a folder.

Notice I didn’t say “Frank cut in. Frank interrupted.” Etc. There’s no need to tell the reader that a character interrupted when the m-dash and new dialogue SHOWS that already.

One more note: when you use an action tag that is a complete sentence, it gets a period:

“I told you.” George pounded the desk.

But if you combine an action tag with a dialogue identifier (which you might occasionally do for the rhythm you want) you use a comma:

“I told you,” George said, pounding the desk.

Take time to examine your dialogue segments. See if a thoughtful use of action tags can both identify the speaker AND convey emotion, characterization, or setting.

Write on!

Take time to examine your dialogue segments. via @sharonhinck #SeriouslyWrite

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Award-winning author Sharon Hinck writes “stories for the hero in all of us,” about ordinary women on extraordinary faith journeys. Known for their authenticity, emotional range, and spiritual depth, her novels include the ground-breaking Sword of Lyric fantasy series and her imaginative new Dancing Realms series, that begins with Hidden Current and continues with Forsaken Island. She has been honored with a Christy finalist medal, and three Carol awards for her novels.

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An Interview with Sharon Hinck on Writing Expanded Editions

Hey everyone, Annette here. I enjoyed reading Sharon Hinck's Sword of Lyric series a few years ago and was delighted to hear about her re-releasing the titles as expanded editions. Have you ever considered doing expanded editions of your books, or perhaps breaking into the e-book market this way? Check out this interview for helpful information.

What was it like developing new material for this new edition?

I loved these stories and characters so much that it was a treat to revisit the world beyond the attic. It was fun playing with scenes from new angles and exploring other character voices. The interactive devotion guide was rewarding to write, because it helped me dig deeply into the Biblical themes that inspired elements of the books.

How did you decide what bonus elements to add?

It was important to me that people would feel that it was worth the investment to own The Restorer-Expanded Edition, even if they had a copy of the original edition. I drew from all the mail I’ve gotten from readers about these books and created the things that I felt would do the most to enhance their experience of The Restorer. Since many readers share that the spiritual themes had a big impact on them, I created the devotion guide to show the foundation of those themes – and also to give more glimpses into the way that Susan Mitchell is loosely inspired by Deborah in the book of Judges. The Bible study and journaling and prayers allow readers to go on their own spiritual adventure as they are reading the novel. I also had fun creating new scenes from the perspective of minor characters. Since the book is in Susan’s first person point of view, it was fun giving other characters like Wade, Tara, Kieran, Nolan, and Tristan a voice. My publisher had suggested including “deleted scenes,” but anything that had been deleted from the original manuscript when the book was first published needed to be deleted. So writing fresh material from a new slant seemed like the way to go. I hope it’s as fun for readers as bonus material on a DVD is for me. We also tried something innovative in using QR codes so that people with smart phones can hover over the symbol and go to a page to heart the music of a song in the story, or read a recipe for a meal that is described in the book.  

Besides an entertaining read, what do you hope people experience in The Restorer-Expanded Edition?

God can use ordinary people in unexpected ways. I truly believe that many women live lives of quiet heroism – whether their battleground is caring for aging parents, raising a child with a disability, fighting a long-term illness, volunteering at their church, or supporting a friend through difficulty. My hope is that Susan’s adventure in an alternate world breathes inspiration into anyone feeling that the road has been difficult in his or her world.

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The Restorer-Expanded Edition

Susan Mitchell thought she was an ordinary homemaker. She was wrong. When she’s pulled through a portal into another world, she finds a nation grappling for its soul and waiting for a promised Restorer to save their people. She has always longed to do something important for God, but can she fill this role? While she struggles to adapt to a foreign culture, she tackles an enemy that is poisoning the minds of the people, uncovers a corrupt ruling Council, and learns that God can use even her floundering attempts at service in surprising ways. 

This new expanded edition of The Restorer includes an in-depth devotion guide for readers who want to dig into the spiritual themes of the book, bonus scenes providing glimpses of the story through a variety of characters, and fun extras including links to songs and recipes.

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Sharon writes “stories for the hero in all of us,” about ordinary people experiencing God’s grace in unexpected ways. Known for their authenticity, emotional range, and spiritual depth, her novels include contemporary fiction such as The Secret Life of Becky Miller or Stepping into Sunlight and the groundbreaking Sword of Lyric fantasy series which includes The Restorer–Expanded Edition.

She’s been a Christy finalist and won three Carol awards. Sharon’s undergrad degree is in education, and she earned an M.A. in Communication. When she isn’t wrestling with words, Sharon enjoys speaking to conferences, retreats, and church groups. She loves interacting with visitors at her website and blog: sharonhinck.com