More Ways to Write Through Grief by Angela Arndt

Last week we discussed the 7 Ways to Writing Through Grief. Here’s a link to it, if you’d like to take a look at it. Today we’re going to look at the seven stages of writing through grief.

If you’ve lost a loved one, a job, a pet or even a material item, you’ve probably grieved. There are all kinds of medical literature arguing the number of stages of grief and how long each stage should last. Just remember: no matter who or what you've lost, they are precious to you.

Shock, Denial, and Bargaining. Last week I talked about losing my friend after an illness. She’d been sick for a while, but hadn’t let anyone know how serious it was. Actually, I'm not sure she knew herself. For two Sundays following her death, I sat up in the choir loft and cried. The entire service. I couldn’t help it, I didn’t get to say goodbye to her.

If you've gotten stuck because a loved one has died or a job or marriage has ended, then try writing a letter. Nothing can truly help except God and time, but this is a way to say goodbye and to acknowledge that your life has changed. It can be a formal letter, a simple a list of what made her/him special or anything that helps you process that hole in your life. In addition to being a writer, I'm also an artist. 

In the past, I've also drawn or painted portraits of the one who died, but you can do anything that helps you commemorate their life and the impact they had. This helps so much and may let you skip the next step.

Guilt, Anger, and Depression. In the case of my friend, I kept wishing that I’d insisted she go to the doctor. Then I got angry at her doctors, thinking they should’ve known what was wrong with her. When I cried those two Sundays, I'd gotten stuck on my loss. I kept asking, "why?"

We don't know God's will. We never can, but we can write these thoughts out, too. This can also be a letter, a list of adjectives describing your feelings, or better yet, add full descriptions of the guilt, anger and sadness you feel to your emotion journal. As I said last week, refer to this journal later on for true-to-life reactions and feelings as you write later.

If you're stuck in this stage, then examine your relationship with the deceased. How did you treat them? Was something left unfinished? What can help you resolve the issues you had? You can still talk to him or her, write a letter or even write and sing a song to them. Instead of asking "why did they die," ask "why am I stuck?"

Hope/Acceptance is the final stage. That’s where our mind and heart has finally reached a point of healing. As Christians, we have the hope that we’ll see our loved one again and the acceptance that we can go on without them.

Add these thoughts to your letter or as another entry in your emotion journal, not only for your books but to complete your healing.

Writers and other creatives sometimes experience emotions more intensely. By expressing out our feelings, it not only helps our brains process these feelings, but it also helps us create rich characters that can also help others heal later on.

Have you found anything that has helped you heal after a devastating loss?

Angela Arndt was a corporate trainer before health issues sidelined her. These days she’s active in her local church, ACFW and a regular contributor to MBT's Weekly Spark. In addition to being a team member of Seriously Write and she'd love you to join her on her personal website.

Angie is represented by Joyce Hart of Hartline Literary Agency. She’s currently working on a series of novels set in small Southern towns. She and her husband live in the middle of a big wood outside a small town in South Carolina.

7 Ways to Write Through Grief, Part 1 by Angela Arndt

She’d been a part of our worship for 14 years. She played like a concert pianist and somehow directed our tiny choir full of huge personalities. She put her whole being into her music and we never knew how sick she was.

She was my friend.

Although she valiantly survived the 11-hour surgery, she never regained consciousness. There’s a big gaping hole at church and another one in my heart.

I miss her. So much.

How can you possibly write when you’re mourning? Whether you’ve lost a friend, a job, a dog or Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, you can still journal your feelings. You never know who will be comforted by your progression through the stages of grief.

First, give yourself time to grieve privately. Even if you know the illness is terminal or the company is closing, you’ll still need time in your closet to process what has happened.

Take time to rest. Try to nap. Find someone who will “run interference” so that you can be quiet.

Jot down notes about how you feel. Try to remember the ache in your heart or the way your head actually does pound after crying all night. Keep an emotion journal, not only for your impossibly sad times but for happy ones, too.

Journal your feelings. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but you. For now, you’re processing what you feel.

Write down your prayers. You don’t have to share. It’s just to help you move through the stages of grief and to help you write

Write about what could have been. Writing down the happily-ever-after in that situation gives you a respite from your grief. It could also become your next book.

Immerse yourself in something else. Watch an inspiring movie. Read a book. Go somewhere that doesn’t remind you of loss.

Each person grieves differently. Even if your loss is a French bulldog, there's still a death in the family. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Next week we’ll talk more about writing through loss by journaling the seven stages of grief.

What has helped you remember your loss and function at the same time?

About the Author

Angela Arndt

Angela Arndt was a corporate trainer before health issues sidelined her. These days she’s active in her local church, ACFW and a regular contributor to MBT's Weekly Spark. In addition to being a team member of Seriously Write and she'd love you to join her on her personal website.

Angie is represented by Joyce Hart of Hartline Literary Agency. She’s currently working on a series of novels set in small Southern towns. She and her husband live in the middle of a big wood outside a small town in South Carolina.