Editing Tip: Words You Don't Need

Annette M. Irby

Hey everyone, Annette here. As an editor, I occasionally run into some unnecessary words and/or phrases in manuscripts. As an author, I've thrown some of these into my own manuscript. See if you can relate:

Have you ever had to write to a certain word count? Not just a goal, but an actual, set-in-stone number?
 
Say your publisher’s word count limit is 90,000 words. And say your manuscript rings in at 91,257. What can you do? The overage doesn’t warrant removal of an entire sub-plot thread. Your publisher won’t budge on the limit. And you're going to need that final half-chapter.

Here are some suggestions for non-essential words and phrases you might consider deleting:
 
That—oftentimes this word can be deleted without changing the meaning of your sentence.
 
In, as in “in between”—most of the time, you can delete “in.” Try saying the sentence without the “in.” If it works, leave “in” out.

On the—as in “she kissed him on the nose” or “he bussed him on the shoulder” Please delete “on the.” “She kissed his nose.” And “He bussed his shoulder.”

Couldn’t help but / Can't help but—this multi-word phrase is a word-limit saboteur. Ask yourself: Why did I use that phrase here? What do I actually mean? I think sometimes we use clichés like this one out of laziness. Ask yourself: Does this truly fit this scenario? this character? More than likely, you can delete it.

Each and every one—this phrase is redundant. Choose one of these two options. “Each one” is sufficient.
 
Hit the Delete Button

Go through and do a search and replace on these phrases. You’ll hopefully save yourself some words, while tightening your writing.

Your turn. Have you ever faced the challenge of whittling down your word count? What are some unnecessary phrases or words you’ve deleted from your manuscript?

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Annette M. Irby is a published author who runs her own editing business, AMI Editing. She is also an acquisitions editor for Pelican Book Group. See her page here on Seriously Write for more information.

Lessons Learned from the Movies Series: Part 3 by Fay Lamb

Our task as writers is to engage our readers, right? One of the ways we do that is to include the golden element: conflict! Writer and acquisitions editor Fay Lamb is back today to share some helpful tips on including conflict in your fiction. Enjoy!

The Cry for Conflict, Conflict, Conflict

by Fay Lamb

There’s a reason we authors hear the word conflict over and over. Teachers of creative writing shout it from the rooftops: “Conflict. Conflict. Conflict.” Yet so many authors fail to heed this wisdom.

“I go to movies and read books to relax. I don’t need conflict in my life.”

Oh, yeah? Take a look at the movies and books being watched and read. Whether the audience or the reader realizes it, they are loaded with conflict. Name a bestselling novel or a blockbuster movie, and anyone whose read or seen them can tell you about the conflict.

Let’s look at a sweet little love story like Sleepless in Seattle. That’s just about two people falling in love, right? No conflict there. Look again. Meg Ryan’s character thinks her boyfriend is perfect for her. Tom Hanks’ character misses his wife. He’s not looking for another girl. Enter Jonah and the pseudo-doctor on the radio. Enter conflict. These two individuals, minding their own business, going through life, thinking they are happy, or at least coping, are suddenly hit with conflict. Hanks begins to think about moving on after his wife’s death, and he begins looking for someone to date. Meg is drawn toward the man she hears on the radio, and from there forward, their lives are never the same. They’ve been thrust into conflict.

Conflict makes the literary world go around and around. When the conflict is resolved, the story is over.

Andrew is an ex-master thief. He’s getting back into his old life of crime because Hannah, the woman he loves, needs chemotherapy neither can afford. Can you imagine the conflict that could be born from this plot? First of all, Hannah tells him if he returns to his thieving ways, for whatever reason, the next time he’ll see her is at her funeral. What a choice? Watch her die or wonder where she’s gone to die. Add another obstacle to Andrew’s goal. Detective Donovan has been on Andrew’s trail since he left the petty street crime and claimed the title of master thief, but Andrew’s never been caught. Donovan’s come close to nabbing him a few times, and now he’s dogging Andrew’s every step.

Andrew has to now factor Donovan into his scheme.

Every stumbling block toward your character’s goal gives the author what s/he needs to keep his/her story going: Conflict. Conflict. Conflict.

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Fay Lamb works as an acquisition/copyeditor for Pelican Book Group (White Rose Publishing and Harbourlight Books), offers her services as a freelance editor, and is an author of Christian romance and romantic suspense. Her emotionally charged stories remind the reader that God is always in the details. Because of Me, her debut romantic suspense novel is soon to be released by Treble Heart Books/Mountainview Publishing. Fay has a passion for working with and encouraging fellow writers. As a member of American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), she co-moderates the large Scribes’ Critique Group and manages the smaller Scribes’ critique groups. For her efforts, she was the recipient of the ACFW Members Service Award in 2010. In 2012, Fay was also elected to serve as secretary on ACFW’s Operating Board. Fay and her husband, Marc, reside in Titusville, Florida, where multi-generations of their families have lived. The legacy continues with their two married sons and five grandchildren.

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Not your typical Christian fiction.


Michael’s fiancée, Issie Putnam, was brutally attacked and Michael was imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit. Now he’s home to set things right.


Two people stand in his way: Issie’s son, Cole, and a madman.


Can Michael learn to love the child Issie holds so close to her heart and protect him from the man who took everything from Michael so long ago?

Because of Me is available through all fine book retailers, Amazon, and Mountainview Publishing, a division of Treble Heart Books.

Reactions by Ocieanna Fleiss

Happy Manuscript Monday everyone! Annette here. I'm excited today because we're launching a long stretch of articles by Ocieanna Fleiss. She is a dear friend of both Dawn's and mine, and she is a soon-to-be-official addition to the Seriously Write team! She'll take over Writer's Journey Wednesdays (and call it a cute name, just wait and see) by the end of summer. For now, though we wanted to share some of her fantastic writing craft articles. Learn more about Ocieanna below. Enjoy!

Reactions: A Recipe to Propel Your Scenes from Bland to Delicious*--Part One
by Ocieanna Fleiss

“That was delicious.” No, not my husband’s famous macaroni and cheese (Kraft). The feeling when you gobble down the last page of a well-written novel. Scrumptious descriptions, hot-out-of-the-oven plot points, and satisfying dialog make reading yummy.

But the one ingredient that thrusts a story beyond yummy, sends senses longing for more, transports taste buds is, you guessed it, a character to fall in love with.
One way to create a character to savor is to zero in on reactions.

I Burned the Rolls: Reactions to Obstacles

Arriving, Mrs. Lawrence saw the store was closed, so she left.

Okay, that’s a glaring example of unpalatable prose, but let the pathetic-ness of the sentence warn you. To feel connected to a heroine, a reader must experience the obstacles the character faced and her reactions.

Torrents of rain suffocated the town as Mrs. Lawrence’s horse galloped through the muddy streets. Her new gown was drenched and filthy, but she didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was reaching the pharmacy before it closed. Mr. Lawrence’s life depended on it, and hers.

She turned onto Willis Avenue. “Which store is it!” she screamed to no one. After sliding from her horse and tying it to the post, she ran past each storefront until she found the right one. She grabbed the door handle. Locked. The sign read, “Closed.”

She reacts to the suffocating rain—despite it, she gallops through the streets. She also doesn’t care about her filthy gown. Not knowing which storefront propels her to scream in frustration. These reactions combine to show us her feelings.

Cook’s Hint: Try not to name emotions. Notice that although we know she’s stressed, panicked, and frustrated, I never use those words.

Get Out of My Kitchen! Reactions to People

It’s easy to describe a person walking into a room. I, for one, enjoy painting a picture of a handsome protagonist.

Don Carlos sauntered into the room, his strong stance commanding the peasants’ hopeful stares. His gloved hand held one small parchment, and his deep, sad eyes searched the room.

That was fun. (I wonder who that guy is?) But although it’s a colorful description, very little emotion flows. Let’s try again.

As soon as Don Carlos sauntered into the room, his deep, sad eyes penetrated me, destroyed me, even though he dared not glance my way. Each peasant in the dusty tavern felt their prayers had been answered. I saw it in their hopeful stares.

For me it was different. I’d known Don Carlos, loved him, betrayed him. Lost him. I thought I’d accepted that, but gazing at his gloved hand clasping the parchment that would save my people, I knew he held not only their freedom, but mine. Yet his cold tone and guarded movements told me he’d never give me the one thing I longed for.

(Who is that guy?) Do you see the difference? By showing (not telling) the heroine’s reaction, we grasp her sense of loss, love, and sadness.

Cook’s Hint: One way to gauge if you’re “telling” is if you use the word felt. Avoid whenever possible—it’s sure to sour your soufflé.

Next week, Part Two: reactions to setting.

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* This article first appeared in Northwest Christian Author.
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Ocieanna Fleiss has cowritten two novels with Tricia Goyer—both for Summerside press. The most recent, Love Finds You in Victory Heights, Washington, released July, 2010. Ocieanna has also written several articles for national publications and a bi-monthy column for Northwest Christian Writers Association. Homeschool mom of four little ones, she, along with her husband, stay busy at her home in the Seattle area.

Love Finds You in Victory Heights, Washington by Tricia Goyer and Ocieanna Fleiss:

The Second World War has stolen Rosalie's fiance from her. But rather than wallow, Rosalie throws herself into her work at the Boeing plant in Victory Heights, shooting rivets into the B-17 bombers that will destroy the enemy. A local reporter dubs her Seattle's Own Rosie the Riveter, and her story lends inspiration to women across the country. While Rosalie's strong arms can bear the weight of this new responsibility, her heart cannot handle the intense feelings that begin to surface for Kenny, the handsome reporter. Fear of a second heartbreak is a powerful opponent - but will it claim victory over love?