It’s not a pleasant prod. More like a pointy icepick sort of prod. You know the feeling that something within your spirit needs to be addressed, but you’d rather ignore it? Rather stuff it deep inside, bury it far behind other secrets and shames you’d like to ignore—behind that half-gallon container of ice cream you ate while alone in the house, behind that argument where you lost your temper with your husband or children?
Yeah, way back there.
As I prepared to write this post, I couldn’t ignore the niggling feeling any longer. I looked for other topics, blamed my lack of creativity on the recent edits I accomplished. But the feeling couldn’t be ignored.
And I wonder if maybe I’m not alone.
This summer I gave myself a writing deadline. I wanted to submit my work to my dream agent by the beginning of September. And I did finish. Only the satisfaction wasn’t as complete as it should have been. And I realized why this week.
You see, idols are more than golden calves.
They come in a variety of forms, but to me, this summer, I made my writing into an idol. I placed it before other responsibilities, before my family, even before my God.
My summer was not incredibly peaceful and I’m ashamed to say that maybe I even knew why. This is not my first rodeo with the Writing Idol. But I kept shoving the knowing aside, burying it deeper, putting my plans and goals ahead of what—and Who—I knew to be more important than all else.
This summer is done. I can’t get it back. I can only ask for forgiveness, learn from it, and look forward. I can only fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.
I am so thankful I don’t have to keep looking into a mirror and evaluating all my failures. Instead, I can look through the window of faith at Jesus and all He has already done for me.
It is my prayer that we would be diligent in reminding one another of this truth. As writers—and especially as Christian writers—it is easy to get caught up in our stories, in what we believe and hope they will accomplish in the name of our Savior.
I know I, too often, look to my own small efforts and feeble attempts. I forget to look through that window to where Christ has proclaimed, “It is finished!”
Thank God for His saving grace. Thank God for His ability to unearth the ugliness of my spirit and love me into true obedience.
Have you ever discovered your writing to be a golden calf? What helps you from falling into this way of thinking and believing?
Heidi Chiavaroli writes History Woven in Grace. She is a wife, mother, disciple, and grace-clinger. She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers and has finaled in the Genesis contest and My Book Therapy’s Frasier contest.