|Rita A. Schulte|
How what we believe steals our joy
The drive to meet our needs is fueled by our beliefs. Our beliefs about success and rejection create that state of tension for us. We are motivated to be successful because there is a payoff for us. We may believe if we’re a success, we’ll have value/ worth, be accepted, have financial security, and feel adequate. The tension, or drive state that’s fueled by our beliefs, propels us to act in ways that will get our needs met. We may become workaholics, be obsessive, try harder, worry and fret. If we don’t succeed, it’s easy to see how we can become discouraged, lose our joy, or drive ourselves to despair if our goal is blocked.
If I believe I’ll be a failure if I don’t get something published, the loss of my needs becomes secondary to what I’m believing about myself, others and the world around me. Believing I am a failure takes my feelings (disappointment) and makes them into facts (beliefs). The problem is the belief (I’m a failure) makes my significance dependent on my performance, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. Patterns of negative self-defeating thinking open the doorway to feelings of disappointment and discouragement, which ultimately steal my joy. What’s the solution? Glad you asked.
Disappointment or discouragement?
Disappointment is an emotional response to a blocked goal, a hurt; or perceived loss of some kind. It’s normal to be disappointed when we wanted something to happen and it didn’t--- or, if we didn’t want something to happen and it did. But what about discouragement, how does that impact us at the heart level? If left unchecked, discouragement can lead us to despair. It:
- Creates feelings of anger or depression
- Makes us feel a loss of confidence
- Gives us a sense of inadequacy
- Causes us to focus on the obstacles
- Tempts us to believes lies about ourselves, God and others
- I’m a failure if I don’t get something published
- I’m not good enough
- I’m inadequate I have to sell more books to be a success
- If I don’t make a best seller list I’m not a good writer
- I won’t be happy unless I’m a success
Be sure to come back next week when Rita will be sharing how we can change our perspective and recapture our joy. ~ Angie
|About the Author|
Rita writes for numerous publications and blogs. Her articles have appeared in Counseling Today Magazine, Thriving Family Magazine, Kyria and Living Better at 50. Her book on moving through the losses of life will be released in 2013. Follow her atwww.ritaschulte.com, on FB at http://www.facebook.com/RitaASchulte and twitter @heartlinepod. Her blog, Life Talk Today is www.ritaschulte.com/blog.