This time of year, I usually look back and evaluate my life for the past twelve months. Did I do my best? Could have I done better? Did I make any progress in my writing? And along with those questions comes the inevitable self-doubts. I found a lot of comfort from Sue Cramer's latest post on her blog, Praise and Coffee. Sue is the founder of Praise and Coffee Nights and Magazine. Be sure and check out her website, too.
She has been married 23 yrs to her best friend and they have four kids, ranging from 6 to 22 years old. She loves the Lord, family, coffee, chocolate and laughing with girlfriends!
I have huge feet.
I'm 5'9" tall and wear a size 11 shoe. I've always been so embarrassed by the size of my feet. When I was little I was in ballet class (they were attempting to teach me some grace) and they had to place a special order for my ballet slippers because of course they did not carry my size.
I desperately wanted to be petite, but couldn't even come close. I was a knobby-kneed Olive Oil.
The school put on a play about the circus and I was cast as the "tall lady." I didn't realize circus' put tall people in the same categorie as lions, bears and bearded ladies, apparently they did.
Did I mention my teeth? You know how sharks have several rows of teeth and they're all over the place? It was worse than that.
I wished that I could be someone else, just for a day...a small "normal" sized person with cute hair and a pretty smile.
I just wanted to wear my friend's shoes, but heaven knows, they would not have fit. Even today I don't have a girlfriend that I could exchange shoes with. If I tried, I'd look ridiculous and be very uncomfortable. I'd walk funny and be miserable by the end of the day. The only shoes that work for me are my own.
Just like walking around in shoes that don't fit, I've tried walking around in someone else's calling, and guess what? It doesn't fit me. I see someone doing something that I think looks really exciting and I assume that I could step right into those shoes and do it too, only to find out that it's uncomfortable, and awkward and doesn't fit me at all. And at the end of the day, I'm pretty miserable.
What about you? Are you trying to walk around in someone else's shoes?
God has uniquely called each one of us. We were created by Him, to have relationship with Him and reflect His love in this world.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
It's taken me many years to come to the place of being comfortable in my own skin. Not only physically but also my identity. Who am I....where am I going...what is my calling??
Identity is a complex thing. Am I what I do? Am I the hats I wear? Oh I hope not! They are what I do, but they don't define who I am.
My bio says "wife, mom, speaker, writer and coffee drinker who loves the Lord." The things that I do help others figure out who I might be...but truly, who I am is not a bunch of titles- thank God! Because what happens is, when life changes and the titles are gone (and I guarantee, titles will change or disappear) we're left struggling to "find ourselves."
I've been there. It's a lonely scary place to be.
It forced me to search for who I am. In my searching I realized that I will never find my identity in a title or position, no matter how noble the cause. But now I'm content to know that I am first His daughter, the rest we can figure out together. I will walk the road God has in front of me and let Him handle the "why" and "how" of things.
Her shoes are not your shoes.
So, if the shoes you are wearing don't fit, they might not be your shoes. Slide your feet and whole self into Him. Start with a simple prayer, just have a conversation with God. He promises that when we seek Him we will find Him. Start "finding yourself" by settling into His love for you. Dare to believe that you are completely accepted and loved by Him and go from there...in your own shoes.